9/16/14 9:30 pm
There is a phrase that is repeated through the Book of Exodus in the Bible when discussing the Pharaoh: “God had hardened his heart.”
For a long, long time, this is how my heart felt. All my life I’ve been emptied, gutted, thrown away, tossed aside, and just plain forgotten about. When someone experiences this kind of emotional torment, you kind of start to believe all the shitty feelings so many broken relationships gave you. It makes you cold, bitter, and hard. My heart was hardened to all men of the world. It sounds overdramatic, but that’s exactly how I felt and how I went about living my life. I never wanted any guy to make me feel that way again.
But now I’m in love, and it is the most amazing feeling. When I look at him, my heart melts. That sounds so cliche actually, haha. But seriously, I just look at him and I get this aching feeling in my chest. I can feel my heart growing softer each day. He makes me want to be better. I want to be the best version of myself for him and for our future together. He makes me feel like anything is possible, like I could fly if I wanted to.
Going through life, everyone goes through and accumulates their own baggage, so that by the time you reach a certain age, you feel so heavy, right? For some, the weight on their shoulders is too much to bear. Sadly, and to my detriment, I had been the cause of most of my own weight. A lot of my baggage was my fault because I had been too selfish, and too stubborn to learn from my mistakes. But with him I find it hard to put myself first, and I’m suddenly able to open up to him so easily. That’s never happened before. How can one person impact another’s so effortlessly? It’s like he sees right through my hard facade and has somehow rocked me to my core, just with the way he looks at me. Sometimes when we’re tangled up together, so wrapped up in each other, I fall so deep in our love that I can barely surface for air. And quite honestly, I don’t think I ever want to.
"Safe. When I’m with you I feel so safe."
-one of my favorite quotes from the AWESOME movie Garden State.
It’s true, though. I’ve never felt so safe in my life.